When you are eager to have a committed partner and crave that relational intimacy, it can be easy to overlook deeper issues at the beginning of a relationship. As psychotherapist Jenn Mann explained in InStyle, people aren't just on their best behavior at the start of a relationship, but they are more inclined to see the best in their partner. Bonding over simple similarities can feel magical and help to create a sense of unison. However, according to Mann, when individual differences are finally recognized, it can seem hurtful because you no longer feel like one unit but rather "two separate people."
Relationships run into trouble when assumptions are made about the other person early on. Perhaps their personality and demeanor made you think they held certain values or aligned with your social and political ideologies. Unfortunately, without having actual discussions about the topics that are important to you, there's a chance you'll discover you aren't aligned on big moral issues. This can lead to discontentment and frustration, ultimately causing the relationship to break down.
Understanding what your non-negotiables are in a relationship is essential early. While it can be easy to get swept away by romance and excitement, recognizing the practicality of your compatibility will help you avoid the cycle of short-term relationships. It might take longer to find someone that checks all of your boxes, but once you do, there's a good chance you'll be together for the long run.
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